The Escapism

I’m officially blogging at my personal website:

http://whydoubleyou.com

see ya’ guys there!

I’m sick.

I’m not just sick, I’m feeling sick.

Feel like vomitting, before and after meal. During meal, I still have my appetite though

Dad has the roof taken care of. It’s done now, so easy when he’s around. Two guys did it for him, dad only inspected them. Now the roof is fine, but we still have many to take care of around the house. One by one.

I don’t go to D.A.T.E. today. I’m sick of this headache, it must leave soon.
 

Here I’m back again changing the theme to the smoothie (the fifth times?)

I haven’t posted much lately, I’m too full of things. Things I find rather difficult to express, so I guess I’m pretty stucked in here. It’s not that I don’t want to share. Infact I find no one asking me how I’m doing, so I guess I’m fine with this. Perhaps a few times I’d been trying to talk to someone but always cancelled it.

Faith goes along with anticipation.

I’m working on it. I lift my chin up. I cry only when I pray. I prepare. I anticipate.

A good news is just another start of a greater effort, at least it is for me now.

“Let’s get back to business!” my brother said, one needs to have hope. It’s a substance I’m breathing day by day, now and then.

right, stooges?

Got an SMS from my brother a moment ago, he said finally Nokia officially bought the company where he works at yesterday. I got a little bit perplexed and I replied, so now u’re a Nokia employee? he said ja, a Nokia application developer or something (not quite understand). But then I read a more complete story through his blog. The title was ‘pleasant surprise’. He seems very happy about it, for he used to say that Nokia was his dream company and someday he would apply for a job there, in Finland. What made me so amazed was that, his sentence “Yeah. it was a pleasant suprise for me, actually I like “the Finn” as my favorite company, I even want to try to apply by them someday and now, they come directly to us…” It warmed my heart as I read that sentence, for I believe that every good thing comes from above. The more u give, the more u will receive (it reminds me of the conversation I had with cousin bear that night in the car after having Pizza, her last night here). Perhaps my brother is getting one of his “things that fall from the sky” right now, after such a long journey, and it could also be another start of a new journey, bigger responsibility, more improved skills required, more hard work. He also said about the bonus he would get, a great deal of sum for him. Ahh, I’m so happy for him that I almost forget about anything else that happened to me today. It’s nothing compared to the news about him.
And then in the end of his sentence he wrote “The stupid thing is, I coudn’t directly share it live with my family or someone special right now, I called my mom tonight and talked with her about that but I think she didn’t understand very well, whatsoever, I love you too mom” I wish he will get a girl friend soon, a partner to cherish for a life time would be another great pleasant surprise for him haha.. go for it bro! What are u waiting for? dreams can come true
Today on the way to the workplace, I stopped by at the bank to make a new deposit account as my mum told me from a month ago (delayed all the time). I felt so relieved as I left the bank, didn’t have anything to do with the money, I just felt relieved for finally i accomplished the task. Had teacher’s forum this evening and went home feeling sleepy as usual. Printed some teaching aids. So many things I will have to do on Saturday, can’t stay home all day
Ahh, can’t wait for next Thursday and Friday, the treasure’s meeting I’m going to attend with Fifie, Dena and Qing, it’s going to be great, hope I can absorb all the knowledge and experience and apply them to my own daily life.  
I hope Fifie will read today’s blog, she will be happy too, if you know what I mean Fie? hahaha. Please don’t smack me when we meet

Dreams can come true
Look at me babe I’m with you
You know you gotta have hope
You know you gotta be strong
- Gabrielle

These last two nights Kuku cut a pear fruit and put the slices on a small plate and served it to me when I was in front of the computer. Tonight there wasn’t any, so I asked her while she had a look at me behind the door, why there’s no fruit today? Are you already sleepy? and she nodded. So I said, that’s ok, go to sleep. But a few minutes later, she opened the door and gave me a small plate of pear. That’s perhaps what I call love. Eventhough you’re sleepy, still you would go to the kitchen and prepare a fruit for the one you love. And me is what I call lazy and spoiled. and it seems that she likes doing that too. That’s ok, I like being treated that way, by certain people in my life.
This morning before I went to work, got pissed off and confused whether I would deposit the money in which bank, when and where, how, calculated the interest, for the time was very near, it was time to leave, and I was still messing around without any decision, phoned Fifie for like 10 times and she didn’t pick it up, I thought to myself if this time she answered, I would pour out all my emotions and anger to her for not answering the phone, but fortunately she didn’t so it gave me time to think clearly beside the telephone, and finally came up with a clearer thoughts and consideration. Sometimes not getting what you think you need is not exactly always bad. Hot-headed, ill-tempered when it comes to things like that.
This afternoon, Devi, my former private student came to get her certificate. She’s been jobless for quite some time, her previous job was something related to journalism or administration I forgot. Once I noticed her got along very well with her nephew at her house, her nephew didn’t wanna let her go even for a short time. He had lunch, took a nap with her most of the time. So when we were talking about her frustration regarding job, I spontaneously without thinking said to her, why don’t you become a teacher, perhaps a kindergarten teacher, I think you’d make a good teacher, for you get along pretty well with kids, you’re patient, and act motherly (none of this criteria fits me, except the first one and being childish too hahaha). And she was like, oh ja? she said she’d been a teacher once but not for long, and she was like the kind of person who was going through stages still searching for the exact life calling. And today when she came, she told me that she applied for a teacher position in a kindergarten, and would be having an interview soon. I was like, really? finally you considered my suggestion. And I said to myself, oh God, what have I done? but part of me was like jumping around happily, it could happen though, that my suggestion and words can have a great impact in someone’s life or decision making.
Before going home, I went to eat noodles with YT and Santi and talked of how boss prayed specifically for my health last Saturday, in her prayer she said like this, God, we pray for Yunita for her health, for she rarely drinks water. And I laughed so hard when I heard this. How come she prayed that way, rarely had water? LOL But again, deep inside, I’m happy for her kindness.
Preparing teaching aids for tomorrow’s lessons and when I checked on my email, my heart leapt for joy when I read Dena’s comments. So touching. And I noticed how she wrote she loves me three times. Hahaha, sometimes I think she’s so expressive and outgoing, I used to feel uneasy everytime she did that, but now I get used to it pretty well. Never met someone more sincere and expressive than her, especially in expressing her love and affection, she might has scared some guys away haha..only a very good man would respond to her characteristic quite well and love her back equally, or even more, for she deserves it and would say to her ’stay with me til I grow old’ [whistling sound usually made when see a hot chick] However, laughed to death when reading Fifie’s choice of word, ‘very ancient days we don’t have dinner together’
Peko peko in Japanese means expressing that you starve that you feel you can eat a horse. A word I have been using a lot since I was born ^_^

Just found out today when i was trying to read my brother’s blog, that he put my blog link in his blog, I imagine a stranger reading my blog, someone I don’t know, far away, hahaha..like what I did in 2004, read an American girl’s blog, I forgot her name and lost track of the blog address (too bad), her blog has a purple anime character layout and she often talked about anime characters and manga. For months I’d been reading her blog that I don’t even know her and vice versa, an interesting person, and a very talented writer.
The cough is still staying at my ‘throat’ hotel. Mostly when I coughed so badly, it’s like the whole content of my lungs and stomach would jump out. This afternoon was very hot, when I get to the office, I often offer my friends to fry an egg on my helmet, it would work i believe, i told them and they still laughed until today, like hearing the joke for the first time. The classes were fun, still vivid on my mind how Albert laughed out loud, after teasing Meishella over and over again, and he asked for my permission to fart outside the class (amazing things that only a kid can do). Still vivid on my mind how Cahya laughed when I joked about me being the thief in the game, the first time she put her hand on my lap while laughing, much better situation compared to those times before when I tried to stick around her and she was like “don’t touch me, or I show you my karate kick.” or “stay off, I’m better off by myself” and how Feli begged me on her knee and said please please please to lend her the 7in1 game board like begging for water in the desert (oopss..almost wrote with two s) but still got my refusal. And I promised to myself to give her as her birthday gift this coming November. And how I praised Satria for he was so handsome after having his hair cut, and he was blushed and smiled and kept asking me many questions about anything, why is Tiffany not around, why this class doesn’t have “I see” chart, why this class is bigger than his class, what is after this level, and so on before the class started. And how I caught a glimpse of Ni Wayan’s lavish smile when she waved and said goodbye to me, a very good feeling, like I have made her day so bright today, a smile from ear to ear. This kind of feeling that money can’t buy. Feelings that only a kid can give. At least today I could make some kids happy, or perhaps smiled out of their despair.  For Jesus said on the bible, learn from the children, for they are the ones who have the kingdom of heaven. Many times i think of how I get much more from them, than they from me.

This evening, after class, while waiting for a private student, I asked Sonya many terms in Japanese and took note in a book. After work, I met Fifie at the minimarket and had dinner together, she looked different, so cheerful. I noticed that from her, but I decided not to question anything about it. She rode her own motorbike, sometimes after and before me. She’s getting much better in riding it. So relieving.

This morning I woke up feeling very well physically, the cough was still there but the headache had gone. Kuku advised me to rest these two days and not go to work, but I insisted to go. What a little bit weird was, today’s topic was about ailments and talking about health :’( those ‘middle’ kids weren’t so naughty today, perhaps they noticed my condition haha… There’s this one girl named Helen (not my student), well-known for her fluent English and poor attitude, sometimes she could be very straightforward and talks improperly to people older than her. She appears to be older than she really is, only 13 but she looks and behaves like a 17 yearold. She’s a great fan of Eminem (I noticed quite a lot from the distance) There’s something in her that I find very interesting to me, but I can’t define it well. She doesn’t speak much to me, in someway it seems that she respects me, or afraid of me? but as far as I know, she fears no teachers. What i can remember was, once, on a study tour, on the bus, she saw me playing guitar and asked me to teach her (which infact, two weeks ago I saw her playing it better than me), i’m not really sure, and today there was the two of us sitting facing each other at the front desk while she was waiting for and cursing her driver for being nowhere to find and I was waiting for a private student, and I really wanted to ask or say something to her, but all that I could say was only, ‘cough too?’ and ‘what’s wrong?’ for she coughed a lot too, like I did, and she answered me lightly but I couldn’t hear her clearly, so I was like ahh nevermind. I couldn’t say more than that, just couldn’t find the right words to say. I’ve replaced her former teacher once and taught in her class, but after the first session, she ‘disappeared’ for 2 months. Ja, there’s something in her, but i’m not really sure what it is for now. I admire her for she’s so smart (at least to me, I intendedly looked for and read her composition sticked on the bulletin board, which was quite amusing for a kid her age and I thought if I were the jury I would choose her as the first prize winner for her witty and smart writings), but I also against her poor attitude, moreover I also feel sorry for her, and deep inside I wish somehow someway, don’t know when, I can fill some parts in her life even just a bit, or maybe I don’t want either, for I would be disappointing, or disappointed for she would never change, or rejected. Ahh, these thoughts are only going to be played in my mind, will not take action in reality. Helen, she’s one of a kind. However, no matter how my thoughts will end the story, I wish the best for her life now and to come.  

Never thought that life could be so meaningful, and the fact that it’s discovered at the lowest part of my life, at least so far I can say. There were things that I considered as significant, and a moment after, I found out surprisingly that it wasn’t that significant after all, compared to all the difficulties and unnecessary stress I’ve been through. I could make life simpler, but I didn’t. I paid too much effort lately, and unsuspectedly my life is crooked.
As yesterday, I stayed home all day long, got a company of headache, but just like any other common guests that visit you, they leave the house as the evening comes.
Fifie and Dena have just given me a brief visit, brought the honey, pear, lemon and fatigon I asked them to buy, and three packs of chinese herbs I didn’t ask them to buy. My heart was like jumping out of its chest as I saw their faces, not to mention Fifie’s expression when I shocked her in the dark with my skillful monster’s growl It’s weird, for I meet them so often, but never been this happy for long, we didn’t talk much though. They don’t change, I was the one who changed. Perhaps I am being transformed, during this health deterioration, unable to kick a lot, just stay calm and listen. Wild horse.
My existence towards the people around me could have two effects. If it’s not A, then it’s B, if it’s not B, then it’s A. And as Dena quoted in a gift she gave me in 1999, “it’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives” It’s been there since a while, but neglected for being so picky and ungrateful. Pretty much like me.
This is the true joy of life: the being used up for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clot of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.
-George Bernard Shaw